Stepping Back to Safety - A Biological Approach to Challenging Situations

Even after a fire's out, how do we regain a felt sense of safety?

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Maybe you are in a crisis, or you have just gone through one – something has rocked your personal or professional world. Waking up to a high-rise building fire impacted mine. I have found feeling safe is different than being safe. This essay explores a framework for understanding this divergence and offers a sampling of steps we can take to regain a felt sense of safety. It is heavily drawn from the work of neuroscientist Stephen Porges, PhD, and Deb Dana, LCSW.

Although your logical mind knows you are no longer in mortal danger, your body can’t shake the feeling it still is.

This mismatch tends to occur when our nervous system continues to detect threats (from our body/mind, our environment, or other people) without involving our thinking brains. A felt sense of safety is an embodied experience our rational minds cannot think into being.

Two types of incongruity:

· Constant agitation: difficulty in calming, noticing threats all around us, believing we always have something urgent to do, acting according to compulsions not priorities, addictions, tight back muscles, etc.

· Shutdown: passivity, apathy, unable to notice and respond to threats, feeling we will not ever be enough, etc.

In both cases, these states distort our perceptions – often detecting threats where there are none, while stopping us from having the necessary energy to manage our experiences. We may be unable to relax or have difficulty moving forward. If you notice mismatches, ask yourself…Is this response needed or helpful? Am I acting in accord with my values and priorities?

Porges’ Polyvagal Theory provides some ways to think about what is happening. His research moved us away from a two-state understanding of our autonomic nervous system (ANS), aroused and calm, to one of more complexity. He does this by presenting three pathways in the ANS– each of which evolved for our survival (see Exhibit 1). Briefly this ladder, a suggested presentation by Dana, shows them in order of evolutionary emergence with the most primal at the bottom.

Exhibit 1: Ladder of ANS Pathways

In each moment, many of us typically have an ANS home along with a secondary state felt in the background, such as being mostly in the ventral vagal state with an underlying sympathetic presence. For others of us, we are so acclimated to mild, moderate or even high levels of threatened sympathetic activation, it becomes the water we swim in. We no longer see it.

The signs of our states do show up in our bodies and behaviors – often visible to others. Signs of prolonged threatened sympathetic activation include blood pressure and heart rate issues, weight fluctuations, inconsistent sleep, stiff muscles, freezing (rigid inability to act), addictions, compulsions, periodic outbursts, etc.

Before we can even know it, we change states as this survival system works faster than our thinking brains. We can also be in different states in different environments with different people. For example, you feel a sense of safety in your professional vs personal life.

Learning our states is doable over time. The process sounds simple but is not always easy. We can begin re-training our nervous system to stand down when activation is no longer helpful. Because it reacts faster than our thoughts, this is generally a recovery practice. We start doing this by laying the groundwork of noticing where we are. Ask…What state am I mainly in? And what else do I feel?

When we are able to shift states, we seem limited to only moving to a neighboring state. This seems to be an evolutionarily designed safeguard. We don’t jump directly from threatened dorsal vagal to ventral vagal without at least a brief trip through their sympathetic bridge.

Our states are influenced by drifts in our attention. What do we see as the current ratio of cues of safety to cues of danger? We can train ourselves to influence this perception. Then at any time, we can guide our attention to either one. Both are always available in and around us.

The following are signs of which cues we may mostly be noticing:

· Safety – open to connection, possibilities, change, and a sense of wellbeing

· Danger – survival responses, stuck in story, closed to change

As we begin to slowly expand our sense of safety and appreciate the resulting state of being present, curious, and alert, we may choose to exercise our attentional control to proactively give ourselves and others safety cues (See Exhibit 4). As a practice, we can ask…What messages am I currently sending? How are they impacting those around me?

It may help us to accept and honor all our ANS responses by recognizing they were designed for our survival, then trained by our own prior experiences. Our nervous system stores what is useful, not what is accurate. The question is whether each reaction continues to be necessary and effective given our current circumstances…Am I still in the path of an active fire or some other mortal danger?

To retrain our body’s negative attention biases or stuck states, whenever we begin to notice feeling threatened or anxious, we can ask…Is there any evidence of my being in mortal danger right now?

Even once we relax, disturbing thoughts can re-trigger us. Maintaining balance in our nervous system seems to be an ongoing practice of noticing and recovering. That gets easier with state familiarity and repetitions over time.

Steps: 1) LEARN the basics of the Polyvagal theory as a method for understanding our ANS 2) FAMILIARIZE ourselves with our ANS states (Exhibits 2 and 3) 3) CHECK IN to which cues (of safety or of danger) we are paying more attention 4) GUIDE ourselves to noticing cues of safety (Exhibit 4) 5) DISCOVER what works for us to shift states 6) PRACTICE moving into safety 7) ACCUMULATE moments of safety with alert curiosity/ventral vagal for a home base 8) ACCEPT this takes time 9) NOTICE what cues we are giving others 10) RECOVER FASTER by earlier and earlier detection of changes in our states

Note: Many experiences are a blend of two or more states:

• Rigidly Frozen = sympathetic + dorsal vagal: tense and stuck in place, deer headlight

• Play = ventral vagal + sympathetic: active fun. May turn fearful when sympathetic is overwhelmed

• Stillness = ventral vagal + dorsal vagal: safe and still

• Yoga = ventral vagal + sympathetic + dorsal vagal

Exhibit 2: Experiences of ANS Pathways and States

Exhibit 3: ANS Pathways and States Worksheet

Exhibit 4: A Sampling of Ways to Shift States

Each of our nervous systems is different. What works for me may not work for you. Below are some ideas mainly drawn from Porges and Dana that may help you learn ways to manage your nervous system by strengthening the ventral vagal (safety and connection) state. Doing some of these regularly over time will assist in shifting states.

Note, mindful exercise can bring a sense of safety to a threatened sympathetic activation– trail running works for me. Also, we can redefine our anxious feelings as evidence of being alive or as excitement. The idea is to give our bodies conflicting signals.

1) Map your autonomic nervous system states.

Divide paper into sections as shown on Exhibit 3, showing pathways and autonomic states. Fill in each section using the prompts below. Start from the bottom and move up, ending on ventral vagal.

For each state ask:

a) What do you think?

b) What do you feel?

c) What do you do?

d) How is your sleep?

e) How is your relationship to food?

f) Complete these sentences:

• “The world is…”

• “I am…”
  

To help move between pathways, complete these last two sentences and let the answers fill you so you get a felt sense of each. People often find they only need a brief moment of ventral vagal to map it. Feel free to think up your personalized names for each state as this may help you recognize them going forward.

2) A practice on learning our own states:

a) Notice where you are on the autonomic map

b) Name the state

c) Turn toward your experience

d) Bring curiosity and compassion

e) Momentarily listen to the story of that state

3) Periodically, check in to take an inventory of cues of safety and cues of danger (in our self, in others, in our environment).

4) Each day: Try one secret kindness to others, and one action aligned with your values.

5) Benevolence Practice This is the active intentional generation and use of ventral vagal energy in the service of co-regulating our self and others.

a) Find the place inside body where you sense a stirring of ventral vagal energy of kindness, perhaps in your heart, face, chest, or behind your eyes or elsewhere

b) Notice where the energy of kindness is born and settle into that space for a moment. What does this area feel like?

c) Stop and savor this state. Actively visualize using this energy for healing – in your mind’s eye, wrap it around our self and others thereby sending them care and compassion

d) Visualize moving through the world in ventral vagal energy being a beacon of kindness, compassion, generosity, and friendship

e) The nerves governing our eyes, ears, voice and face/head movements are influenced by the ventral vagal. We can send cues of safety through them. We can check if we have access to:

· Eyes – our capacity to relax our gaze or not

· Ears – our capacity for deep listening or not

Note, some of these same listening circuits impact physical/mental health

· Face and head movements – slight tilts (vs. stiff, straight heads), gentle moves

· Voice – our capacity for prosody (musicality of voice) or not

• This broadcasts intention

• When at a loss for words, respond with ahh, ohh, humpth, mmm (these are well understood affirmations across cultures)

6) With visualization, connect to all our selves, to others, to the world…expanding to everything.

7) Find your ventral vagal anchors. These help us more easily return to or extend our stay.

a) Who is a being around you that gives you feelings of safety and welcome? This can be a being known or unknown, alive or dead, human or animal or spiritual, etc.

b) What is a momentary activity you do that predictably gives you feeling of safety and welcome? Smelling flowers, look out windows, listen to music, sip tea, etc.

c) Where is a place to go or remember having gone that brings you a place of safety and welcome?

d) When is a time of day or year when you feel safe and welcome? Early mornings,

Sundays, whenever there is fresh snow, etc.

8) Additional ventral vagal cues:

· Yoga

· Stretch / Upright, relaxed posture, “strong back/soft heart”

· Play

· Bodywork / Touch / Weighted blankets / Hugs

· Hot baths

· Notice and enjoy a relaxed moment

· Find joy

· Determine what is safe enough for me to last longer in the ventral vagal state

9) Look at or be:

· in nature

· with animals

10) Set up playlists for all the states, both safe and threatened.

The paradoxical effect of music helps explain our finding peace with mournful music, or safety from anxious music.

11) Co-regulate with others who can send cues of safety.

12) Breathwork (only a few examples)

A direct route for changing autonomic states. Some of these can also be dysregulating for some of us.

· Lengthen your exhalation – perhaps play with adding a sound to the exhale

· Sighing

· Pranayama

· Elicit joy - “Breathe and exhale slowly and deeply through your nose; your breathing is very regular, and your rib cage relaxed.” Research by neuroscientist Pierre Philippot et al. as shared by Harvard psychologist, Amy Cuddy, PhD.

13) Savoring practice. Bring to mind a cherished memory so vividly you feel a faint smile. Let the memories rise and fall on their own time. Don’t hang on. Repeat as often as you like.

Memory ideas: a favorite walk on a beach, or holding a newborn child, or smelling lilacs, or being in a cherished place, or sharing an experience of wonder, or being held and holding a loved one, etc.

14) Willing Hands is an exercise advocated by Marsha Linehan.

Simply turn your palms facing upward when feeling frustration, resentment, or anything on the continuum of anger.

15) Sideways glancing. An exercise suggested by Stanley Rosenberg has us weave our fingers of one hand with those of the other and use them to cup the back of our head. Then with our eyes only, head straight, look as far to one side as we comfortably can. Hold until you experience a sigh, yawn or swallow. Then repeat looking to the other side.

Bibliography

Cuddy, Amy. 2018. Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. New York: Back Bay Books, [] ©Bb.

Dana, Deb. 2020. Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety. New York: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd.

Dana, Deb, and Stephen W Porges. 2020. Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Jha, Amishi. 2021. Peak Mind : Find Your Focus, Own Your Attention, Invest 12 Minutes a Day. London: Piatkus.

Lotto, R Beau, Luna Margherita Cardilli, and Ljudmilla Socci. 2017. Deviate : The Science of Seeing Differently. London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson.

Porges, Stephen W. 2011. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. New York Etc.: Norton.

Rosenberg, Stanley. 2019. ACCESSING the HEALING POWER of the VAGUS NERVE: Self-Exercises for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma…and Autism. S.L.: Readhowyouwant Com Ltd.

The Weekend University 2020. “Polyvagal Theory and Trauma – Deb Dana.” YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-SVdQ-CHkA.

Tift, Bruce. 2015. Already Free : Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation. Boulder, Colorado: Sounds True.

Additional resources: NICABM, works by Bessel Van Der Kolk, Peter Levine, Gabor Maté, etc.

About the author: Michelle Thomson is an Executive Coach and Advisor with a focus on clients in high consequence situations, including crisis management. Her background in hedge funds, investment banking, reinsurance, and insurance, gives her insight to challenges within financial firms–especially for women. Michelle uses a mix of methods informed by neuroscience, behavioral sciences, management research, and more. Contact her through her website: www.clearripple.com.